Here at Greater Philly Institute, we have just completed our first week of teaching. Most of it is a blur right now because of the immense stress that I have felt the entire week. I would be the world’s biggest liar if I said this job was easy. I always knew it was not easy and that was why I was drawn to it, but I really had no idea what I was getting into. Actually, I really do not think anyone did. I will honestly state that I am not the best teacher. Maybe I am being hard on myself, but I really do need to work on improving a lot of aspects of my pedagogy in the classroom. But aligned with this, I also know that I need to work on building up my own confidence so that I can inspire the same in my children. If I am not confident in my own abilities to teach these children, then I cannot expect anything positive to result. Because I have come to this sort of metaphorical crossroads here at Institute, I am not sure what I should do next besides sleep. I know that this is a good place to start, but I just wish I knew all the answers now.
My life is definitely changing right now, but the next step is to ensure that my children’s lives are also changing. Every day I keep reminding myself why I am here and what I am doing with my life. I think when a little shred of normalcy re-enters my life (i.e. I move out of these dorms and into an apartment in less than a month), I will have a greater sense of stability and reassurance. But for now, I will just continue to take each day’s challenges as they arise and try my best because the children deserve it. They deserve everything and more, and I may not be able to give them everything but I know that I can give them my all every day for two hours of teaching.